Challenges

I know its been awhile...and I have as of late been using this blog to do more crafts and recipes rather then sharing how our family is dealing with the everyday of a child who is unique in her own way.   Some days...things are great! She is happy, cheerful, helpful and hasn't a care in the world. Then there are the days when things are not so cheerful, there is crying, screaming, and sometimes things get physical.   Now while most days are good ones, we seem to hit a bunch in a row that are not so good. One thing we have learned in all this is that timing is everything...if we keep the meds right on track then we are usually okay (not always). Another thing we have learned is once she has gone down the path of no control...there is no heading back, you have to wait out the storm. Sometimes its short...sometimes its long. Most the time its frustrating.   I love her unconditionally and wouldn't trade her in for the world. I just sometimes wish I could make it all stop, that my mom was here just as a sounding board, and that I could do more for Em. I know we are doing the best we can and have made some HUGE changes for the good, with doctors and meds. But she will always be on this journey and as a mom and a fixer...I just want to take that away.     Another school year is approaching and I know we are going to have a great year, it may have its challenges, but its going to be great!  

Back in the Saddle Again!

My entire life has been a weight roller coaster...mostly up, but there have been a few downs. I've tried every diet imaginable and told myself I was going to do....I've even posted here saying I was going to do it.
Well today as I was hunting through Pinterest briefly (yeah right!!) I found this incredibly inspiring blog post http://abyerly.blogspot.com/2012/03/weight-loss.html it really put things in perspective and brought a tear to my eye...Her ideas while not incredibly unique are what just might be what I need.
I don't want to be the mom who won't play with her kids...or fears going in public because of how she looks, or wonders what her kids think of her weight, or worries that her husband will find her a little less disireable.

I want to be confident, enjoy shopping for myself, FEEL good, and as cheesy as it might be get a bathing suit on clearance cause they have my size and its under $20! (For those of you less knowledgable about plus-size, bathing suits even on clearance are $50 or more!)

Here are some of her ideas that I put to work:

• Goal Chart-I started with 1lb less than I am now...and counted down to my goal weight. Every lb I lose..I get to cross it off! I plan to keep it posted in the bathroom. And yes others may see it, but that is okay...I'm working on it!

• Reward Chart-This is one thing she really has right! For every certain number of lbs I lose I will be rewarded! The more I lose...the BIGGER the reward! I really need to keep myself focused. This will be posted on the fridge, that way when I go for a snack...I can see it!

I am working to put together my reward chart. I'll post pictures soon!

BTW...down 3lbs!!!!

Where we're at...

It's been awhile since I have updated on how things are going with Emmah and I think maybe it's about time. This year went so much differently then last year and we couldn't be more thankful for that.

With the change in meds, a new teacher, a new principal, an IEP, counseling, and some natural maturity we are actually making some progress in the right direction.
We recently went in for a pysch. evaluation to make sure that we had someone local that would be able to help us with meds. (We had been going through The Center for Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics in Ann Arbor, but the distance was too great.) With this evaluation we have made some med changes again, but uping on and then adding a new one. This does bring us some concern as we don't want to over medicate, but also want to help her to be able to control her choices. I am really hoping we will see some changes and be able to go into this year at an even better place.

It was so frustrating last year to know that underneath all of those issues, sadness, and anger there really was a sweet little girl that was trying to get out and do well. But we just didn't know where to go and how to help her.

This year we dropped, significantly, the number of behavior reports, and made some real strides.

Hopeful

The school year is fastly approaching and we are hopeful that all we have been working on over the past months is going to really make a difference when school starts. She is a very different girl today then she was when she ended school last year. I am hoping that when school starts she looks at it as a fresh start. With that being said there are still things I worry about, she is still chosing to use wrong words, and learning to not make quick judgements or respond without thinking. Learning to take that extra moment to think before she acts will be very important. We are looking into some regular counsuling for her, in addition to what she will recieve at school through the social worker. I feel it is important for her to be able to talk about what she is feeling about things as well as the rest of us. We've had a difficult last few years and I think we all could use a chance to sit back and chat about it. Things with school continue to challenge us and we meet those challenges with our eyes focused on the prize, Emmah being successful and being in a quality learning environment. Although things don't always go our way, which right now they aren't we will remain calm (okay, one us will be calm and the other will freak out. Then the calm one will then try to calm down the other one!)  I think I'm going to have to keep this quote in mind: Sometimes not being in control is the most beautiful thing in the world.

A New Journey

Since we have met with the new Dr's this has changed how we will work to manage the issues that we are having with Emmah. We are going to start a new medication, which is different then the other medicines that we have previously tried (completely different end of the spectrum). Both Dr's suspect that we should see almost an immediate difference in her behavior. Once we have the neuological issue under control the ways we have been dealing with the behavioral issues should fall into place.  So this tells us that all along we have been doing right thing, but with the neurological issues they weren't going to work, no matter what we did. Although we were doing some of the right things, they were not going to be effective with her, this has really helped with the "mommy guilt" as the mom you want to make things better, solve the problem, and help her the best you can. Up until now I haven't been able to do that...I feel like now we are going to be able to help her and get her headed on the right path.

Cautiously Optimistic

Today we took our journey to help Emmah on it's longest trip. We headed to Ann Arbor to The Ann Arbor Center for Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics. With a 2 hour appointment ahead of us we wondered where we would wind up in the end. Would the answers be the same or would he have a new outlook. After discussing, sharing, explaining and listening for awhile there seemed to be an anwer in sight.A logical and understandable answer, one we really thought for some time. Final decisons will be made in some talking with the other Dr in the practice, but there is a clear goal and outlook and one we can make understand and see as a clear explaination for all we have been through. Having been down this road so many times before, we feel we have been here before and each have had the same result. How is this one different? Do we allow ourselves to be hopeful that this is the right place we are suppose to be and that we are on the right path this time? I'm just not sure...a BIG part of me wants to be happy, excited, and relieved, but there is another BIG part of me that is nervous, leary, and pesimistic. Which part do I let take the lead, who do I put in control over the next few weeks and months? I so want to be happy and excited and feel that we have finally made the right choice and have found the path we are supposed to be on. If this Dr is right then HUGE changes are ahead. GREAT strides will be made in our relationships, family unit, and everyday living. We are not alone in this journey, and we wouldn't have learned so much if our journey wouldn't have take so many twists and turns. More will be learned tomorrow and in the coming weeks so for now we will hang tight and pray for the answers are there for us to find.

Back Again

You know the old saying 2 steps forward 3 steps back? That is where we are today. It seems like just when you think things have made a turn in the right direction and that you have made good decisions...life throws you a curveball and you are back where you started.

I recently decided to blog about our issues with Em....it was relieving for me to let it go. I felt a weight lifted and that hopefully finding the support of friends and others possibly in similar situations would be helpful, and it is.

We recently switched meds...AGAIN and were really hoping to have found a helpful answer to our current issues. Well today I found out differently. Apparently there have been some issues going on at school, there has been talk of suspension, and even switching schools. But where has this led...the issues that are presenting themselves have only shown up at school, we at home, have seen very little of these issues and really have seen an improvement. Where does this leave us, where do we go next, what concequences do we put into place, who is going to lead in the right direction for some answers with these problems? These are the questions I have running through my head, I feel like I'm stuck with no where to go. I pray every night that God will give us the answers and lead us in the right direction. In this we are lead to a new facility in Grand Rapids that will hopefully be able to shead some light on what is going on, at least I pray it does.

In the meantime, how do you just let these things happen to your daughter? How do let people know the sweet girl she really is when her behavior says otherwise? How do you teach her that these actions have concequences, when nothing seems to phase her, for everyone in the family? How do you continue to keep a happy and great family dynamic while these other things are going on? How do you make sure that your son has a happy childhood and makes great memories?

Here we are....back again.

Our Next Move

We headed to the Dr yesterday for some answers to what we have had going on in our house over the past weeks. We went armed with concerns, comments, questions, and open minds. We hoped to get some ideas of where to go next and what might be going on.

Well we didn't get all that we were looking for, but we are on the trial of a new idea. We'll give this new med a try and hope that in the meantime it helps her. The health concerns we deal with constantly keep us guessing and a little uneasy sometimes, but hopefully with some prayer we will know that we are on the right path.

These issues we are dealing with have come to really alter what we do on a daily basis, as well as any special activities. We rethink where we go and how often we go. It scares me that a 7 year old can alter my own daily life like she does. I don't want to give into her, but I don't always know how much of what she does.

Once you choose hope, anything's possible.
-Christopher Reeve