4 years

It's been 4 years since you left...and I still miss you like I did on the very first day. I remember that day like it was yesterday, I can tell you where I was, what I was wearing and exactly how the day went. You were my BEST friend, you taught me to sew, cook (Not real good with this one yet!!) bake, and teach.  I am better because of you...I am who I am because of you. This one's for you Mom... For Good And although I know I will see you again one day I still miss you and wish you were here. Thanks for being the BEST Mom EVER!!

Happy Birthday Mom

Today my mom would have been 68 years old. Sometimes its hard to believe she is really gone. I miss her so much and think about her all the time. To make a hard day just a little special for the last 3 years I have had the kids make small birthday cards. We then attach them to some colorful balloons and send them up to Memah.(In case you didn't know...all balloons go to heaven, right to Memah. Who has quite a collection!) 

My birthday is tomorrow, and I do like a good birthday it just hasn't been quite the same. It will always be a little hard, but I try my best to not shed tears, but to think of all the good times and remember she is having one heck of a birthday party!! 

*Pop Pop*

This time of year is always a little patchy for me...it brings some days that remind me of sad things and I tend to get cranky. Most would say it's okay to be a little down, to be cranky sometimes, but I hate to take it out on the ones I LOVE. Especially, when its the kids and they don't really understand why.  Well during this time of year, comes my birthday and what would have been my mom's 68th birthday. Every year since she has passed I have looked to do something worth while to make it special, remember good times and make memories to do this we bring in my best friend!We have her family over for our annual Bubble Wrap Dinner. This includes bubble wrap placemats, balloons and birthday cards. On Saturday we had my friends and their kids over to enjoy each others company and POP some bubble wrap!! Now to fully understand the bubble wrap dinner you must understand that when my mom had her open heart surgery they gave her a bubble wrap envelope for her glasses. Since she had been given something to calm her a little she thought the bubble wrap was sooo fun and just kept popping all the bubbles. So everytime she was in the hospital after, we brought her bubble wrap. It's a funny memory! We didn't get the balloons off so the kids and I will do it on Tuesday.

Happy Mother's Day

Today was a bittersweet day!

I woke up to a delicious breakfast muffin, served by 3 of my most favorite people! After breakfast we just hung out...it was nice, no fighting, just talking and playing! I had my in-laws over for lunch, and it turned out pretty good! (Although there was a close call on the side of a breakdown, I have never cooked a beef roast and it was one of those times you would call mom for directions)

After we finished lunch, we chatted and then headed out with the kids downtown to Kinderplaats. (For those who aren't local it is Tulip Time, a local festival, in Holland, it is pretty cool and I really enjoy most of it!) They have tons to do, like jumping inflatables, fire trucks, inflatable obstacle courses, it has it all! Kids had a blast and the weather was great!!

On the way home we drove to visit mom...not where I would like to though. We placed some flowers at her niche. It was nice to go as a family. I really miss her and today gets even harder when you try to celebrate being a mom, when you are missing yours...

I will share some photos tomorrow of my special cards and gifts!! Happy Mother's Day to all!

Special Mom's

I know that many of you out there know some great mom's well in honor of Mother's Day...I think we should hear about them. I wanted to let you know about some of the special mom's in my life!!

Anita-My mother-in-law is a great mom!! She is always there when we need her most, and is a GREAT grandma! My kids love her...and her cooking is delish. I will admit she is always there for a good laugh too (even if it is at my expense!)

Candice-She is the mother of 5, and does a great job juggling all her responsibilities! I don't know how she does it, but she does and does it well!! I know that I can always look to her for some parenting advice, because well she's been there done that...and who doesn't look for some experience when they ask for advice! She is one of my best friends too, which makes her all the more special!!

Katie-Although I don't know her super well, I know enough to know that she is one AWESOME mom!! She is always there to make the most of her memories and blog about it too! Even when life throws her a curve ball she is up for it and takes it all in stride. Her faith is amazing and I strive to be right there with her!

Mary-My sister (I know I have more than one, and I love you all!!) Even though she is states away she is always checking on me, including me, and sending me her love! I know she is there no matter what and I love that my family gets to make great memories with hers. She made the first Christmas without my mom, a great memory even though we were missing someone special!

Kim-My friend!! Always there, and totally understands when my child has an issue. I know she knows exactly what I'm dealing with and will love me anyway! Great to meet for coffee, and I'm sure eventually with our daughters a drink!!

Now let me say, I have only chosen a few of the special mom's in my life...want to know some more??? Well here you go...I am thankful for Wendy, Renee, Jen, Jamie, Amy, Stephanie, Jill, Melissa, Lynn (at least real soon!) Lindsay and Sue. There are also countless others who contribute to my life daily and I appreciate you all, you better know who you are!! Find the special mom's in your life and thank them...

In the Past

Just when you think things are moving along just fine, that you are happy, healthy, and you have things under control...you hit a bump.

Well we were doing well and kids were really moving along, and life seemed to be moving in the perfect direction...until I realized that next week is Mother's Day. I used to like this day, I mean who doesn't love to be spoiled or at least given an extra hug or two!!

Two years ago my view on this day completely changed...now it just makes me sad. Sad that my mom isn't here to celebrate with, sad that she can't see how my kids are growing up, sad that I can't do something special for her to let her know exactly how much she meant to me, how she shaped me into the mom I am today.

Today it really hit home, we ran to Target to get a couple things and I thought it would be a good idea to grab Mother's Day cards. I was fine for the first...5 minutes and then I started to lose it. Emmah kept picking up the sweetest cards and I looked at Tob and just said I had to go, it only reminded me that I won't need a card this year for a great mom who deserves one.

The Good, The Bad & The Angry

The Good:

• We are seeking help and are hopeful that we are headed in the right direction.
• Emmah has great days at school where she works hard and makes great choices.
• Our family and friends are a great support asking and checking on us and on our progress, offering hugs, words of encouragement, and offering to help.
• We have gotten to have some fun family moments lately, even if they are few and far between.
• Health, overall we are healthy, just seeking some help.

The Bad:

• Emmah has rough days at school
• Sometimes at home behavior isn't always what we hope it will be.
• The time between appointments is going to challenge us, but we must wait.
• Our family time is sometimes compromised, and plans must change.

The Angry:

• That we have to deal with this issue at all, even though deep down I know that God wouldn't give us more than we can handle.
• My mom isn't hear to listen, to help, to advise, and to just lean on. I miss her right now and have realized that I am really ANGRY that she isn't here, that I can't call her up, cry on her shoulder, or ask her advice. Where is she when I need her most??

This last one has been a struggle for me, and was brought to my attention a few weeks ago...it has been on my mind a lot lately. Deep down I am really mad that she isn't here, how dare she not be here when I need her. I know we will make it through and we are never given more than we can handle, but I need her and she's not here!!

Changed for the better

• 2 years ago today I lost one of the most important women in my life.
• 2 years ago today my role model, friend, mentor and confidont.
• 2 years ago today the world lost an incredible teacher.
• 2 years ago today my kids lost a wonderful grandma, better known as Memah.
• 2 years ago today I lost a mom.
• 2 years ago today heaven gained the most incredible, caring, inspiring angel

Two years ago today my mom passed away, rather unexpectedly. I miss her everyday.

I am who I am because I knew her. The mom I am today and the mom I strive to be is because of her.

I have been changed for the better, because I knew you...